|PS: This is not the cover of the book|
There’s a lot going on in any relationship, there’s also a lot not going on in that same relationship. For a christian relationship (Courtship or Marriage) to be just like God wants it, there are some keys to a successful relationship. Below is an excerpt from Marvin Sapp’s new book “Selfless” on Keys to a Successful Relationship. Happy reading.
“I can’t wait until we are on vacation. It’ll be great to spend time alone with you,” Marcy said to her husband, James.
“I agree. We’ve been saving so long for this, and now it’s time to enjoy.”
Marcy brought out some outfits on hangers. “I chose these to wear on the trip.”
James looked at the sundresses, short outfits, and bathing suits. “You’re going to be kind of cold wearing that in Alaska.”
“Alaska! I thought we decided to go to Malibu.”
“Malibu! No way, woman! This trip is an Alaskan cruise. That’s what I want, and since I make more money that’s what we’re going to do.”
The next thing James heard was the slam of the bedroom door.
Have you experienced a similar incident when you wanted something different than your partner? For some reason, you wanted it your way and you were not willing to budge at all. You basically were thinking of yourself more than the one you love. Perhaps it has run further in your life than just a big decision here or there. Maybe every day you want all things your way and it causes some conflicts in your relationship. Is there an “I win” or “You win” mentality where you are keeping score of who gets what they want more?
Is it really worth it? Look at the damage done on your relationship with being self absorbed. The joy is stripped away, because how can you experience it when there is a constant battle going on? There is always a loser between the two of you. When you really love someone, does it give you joy to see them unhappy? Probably not. So in a sense, you lose, too, because you don’t want them to be sad. A happy marriage is about caring for the other person in the relationship. It is a good thing to learn before the vows are said. I suggest a new way of thinking in a relationship called selfless.
Being selfless means to give of yourself to the other person in your love relationship. There are many ways of doing this as we will discuss in the book, but first what needs to happen is to identify areas in your own life where you are not selfless. Reflect on your day, and walk through the day ahead with a focus on if you are selfless or not in different areas of your life that are directly connected with you and your partner. For example, would working late at the office be a win for you or your partner? What would they prefer? By knowing what they think and then deciding one way or another, you will see if you are leaning more towards yourself or not.
If you discover you are more focused on you than the special person in your life, don’t beat yourself up, but know that there is a better way. Your relationship could be better than ever by becoming more aware of the needs of your beloved and acting on them. Take opportunities to change and become selfless with the tips I’ll be passing on to you. These tips are not the way of the world which constantly gives a “me first” message. We’ve been trained to want quick gratification in all things. It will be a transformation of the mind to begin thinking “you first” when it comes to the partner you love. There are many benefits you will enjoy. Here is a list of a few:
• You will see a smile on their face a lot more.
• You will feel happier knowing you are making them happy.
• There will be less friction in the relationship.
• Your partner will learn from your selfless model and perhaps follow suit.
• It will draw you closer together as a couple.
• Your children will learn how to be selfless.
• You will discover more about your partner, and yourself.